I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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