Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I need to calm my uterus...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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