once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
