Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
