I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
