I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
