I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
