I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
