Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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