No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
