I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
