OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
