she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
