every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
