Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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