I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
