you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
