I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
