i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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