My Higher Power is John Stamos
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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