Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
