Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
