bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
