just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
