i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
