you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just want to make out with him forever
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
