I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
