help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
