Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
