You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
