im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
