the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You left your phone here
Wait...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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