still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
