my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
