if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
