Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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