"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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