you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
