so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
