I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
