You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So many bounce houses so little time
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
