okay pat passed out under dana's car
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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