I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
