That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
