Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
