i would punch a child for taco bell
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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