matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am spending my child support on dildos
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Drunk is not a location!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
