I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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