How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
