actually, I'm a sock model
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
